これを読みなさい。
by DASEIN
Summary: Don't read this. It's too cool for you. Featuring Kanda, Alma, and Levierre/Sheryl. Oooh. It goes there. A strange combination of salty and sweet- I mean, serious and crack. Spoilers for Chapter 188


WARNINGS: confusing tenses, POV shifts, vague incest, mild swearing, spoilers for ch.188, crack, two references to A Midsummer's Night Dream and a reference to A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

PAIRINGS: Kanda/Alma?, Adam/Even?, Levierre/Sheryl, Sheryl/Tyki?

It sort of starts off serious, then gets insane... This is a total aberration. If Satan had a baby with a crack whore and the baby wrote a biography, this is what it would look like.  
Loosely based off of the wonderful deviant art picture DGM 189 n2 by ~Yakimochi.

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Kanda sits there. Unmoving, eyes wide and unnervingly childlike- reminiscent of that look he gave 9 years ago when-

No, that's not important now. What's important is that they have a possible disaster on their hands- the tool that they had carefully crafted over years of hard work and dozens of children (but they were only experiments with numbers-) was in danger of /failure. Levierre had always known that Kanda Yu wasn't perfect- too feminine to be the perfect soldier, to rebellious and as he was currently demonstrating, too emotional.

Everyone else wallowed in apologies, constantly on their knees for this boy- as if little favors would make up for the fact that they'd turned a little boy into a killing machine. That was why he was in such a high rank- he knew how to control himself, unlike these foolish scientists who practically quivered with fear, watching Alma's scarred face for any sign of movement.

But- that was foolish- they had made sure that he was completely disarmed. He wouldn't wake up.

Alma lays there, his long, pale hair shimmering under the cold lighting. Kanda lies slanted, stiff but not frozen. His long hair slithers across the glass as he moves to sit up- and like an apparition before him, the face of the only friend he's ever allowed himself to have. But they weren't just friends, or brothers- they were devoted to each other, in that infinite amount of time they had with no one else but doctors as company. Most scientists were cold to them- so unlike the soft pansies employed by the Black Order- but one was not. One was motherly and kind- and that was why she was sacked. Luck for her, because it saved her life.

But she had seen them as children- although neither of the two boys had thought of themselves as children- and as such, had treated them so. Always having candy after a round of shots- Kanda would only eat the lemon ones, and Alma loved them all- and she would tell them stories. Stories which, she said, she was told by her mother and hoped to tell her future children. Stories about knights in shining armor, dragons, castles and kings, and damsels and distress. That gave him Kanda an idea.

He bent over, and, to the disbelief of all surrounding him- although they couldn't react much, and he didn't notice them- pressed his lips against the cold glass that separated his lips from Alma's.

Even more unbelievable, Alma sat up, breaking through the glass in what had to be a painful maneuver. Leveryer gave out a tiny shriek. Kanda looked at Alma, and Alma looked at Kanda for a long and awkward moment, and they said something to each other- silently, because they were magical half-akuma and used telekinesis. Then a strange bluish beam came down from the ceiling and the two, still locking eyes, were lifted up slowly- through the ceiling. Many scientists mentally fell to their knees, praising God. However, they were confusing angels with UFOs. Quite understandable, really. It's rather unfortunate that neither Alma nor Kanda had a towel with them, but that's a story for another time.

Back on Earth.

The Earl's mind promptly imploded; shocked that anything could be more dramatic than him. Sheryl, completely confused, released everyone who was being held by his puppet power. The assorted Fighters for Good(tm) slumped to the ground, unable to think- all except for Liverier, who was immune to insanity due to his Hitler 'stache which granted him powers beyond human comprehension. He stepped forward, intrigued at the beautiful, brain dead, creepy-ass Noah known as Sheryl- who, for reasons completely unknown, was making out with Tyki. Maybe it was due to the massive amounts of strange, shimmery liquid out of a bottle labeled "love-in-idleness" being distributed by that the creepy little girl-doll whose name was Street or something. Wait- wasn't that incest? Or did it not count because they were reincarnations of evil beings hell bent on destroying the world? Oh well. Larriearrie ripped Sheryl off of Tyki and gave him a passionate kiss on his moist Portuguese lips.

He then grabbed the other's hands and skipped off happily into the sunset-to San Francisco- where they got married and lived happily ever after with long bouts of hot, passionate monkey sex and, due to the fact that one of Levierre's magical mustache powers was mpreg, had a beautiful baby named Michael Jackson. WHAT A TWIST!

The stress of the situation had obviously gotten to Johnny and Komui, who had begun to recite Shakespeare. Of course, they were always considered to be not quite stable, so this was quite possibly a common occurrence.

**Komui**: I have a venturous fairy that shall seek  
The squirrel's hoard, and fetch thee new nuts.

**Johnny****: **I had rather have a handful or two of dried peas.  
But, I pray you, let none of your people stir me: I  
have an exposition of sleep come upon me.

---

Unnamed Mental Institution, England, many years later…

"Adam?" speaks a voice, soft and delicate. The man- the customary wide, shit-eating grin on his face- turns to her. Before him stands an angel. The psychiatric nurse has long curly brown hair, skin a deep honey color. Boobs to die for, pleasantly plump and curvy in all the right places. He reads the nametag: "Eve". The last thing he thinks before the meds kick in and his thoughts stop is _I'd tap that._

THE END


End file.
